A New Year, In Photos

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Birthday Month (plus photos)

there have been almost 70 posts on the kid’s Birthday Wall, including videos and photos, and he is now pretty sure he’s the most beloved person on the face of the planet.

February is pretty much his month. We went to the aquarium on the actual day of his birthday, and though he’s been on the verge of succumbing to a full-on winter cold (we’ve all been teetering for weeks, it seems) there was still fun and starfish-petting and even a little bike-riding. More pictures of his subsequent grandparent parties later. For now: Aquarium!!

And thank you to everyone who has posted on the Birthday Wall. Especially to Boden (we’ve watched Octopadi FOUR HUNDRED TIMES), Sean (the cry “Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!” was a novel idea to this chld and he repeated it streaking like a demon through the house many, many times) and eddy (came through with the Gaga!).

This cold, COLD sunday morning we have snow, four pairs of cardinals just outside the window, the most horrible movie in the world (the Care Bears Movie), a sleeping devil cat and a floor full of matchbox cars….

 

groundhog day

today is the other side of the coin from yesterday. yesterday was exuberance. today is…. well, grey, with high winds and snow flurries. catatonia. veins filling with glucose, slack jaw, auto pilot, unplugged, other words like that.

yesterday i spammed by email and facebook about the thundadome story. that was fun (for me, maybe not so much for acquaintances). the sun was out. adam was in a fabulous mood. eric was high on the possibility of a job change (and possibly ether exposure).

the newest groundhog says winter is over, and i say that groundhog is a liar.

in other news, why i love andrea zito:

dead crab vs. dead crab by ARZ

the things i’ve seen in january….

yes, Magneto IS in that Nativity scene. as well as a dinosaur. earlier today the baby Jesus was playing in an unoccupied terrarium with two sheep a helicopter, and a cow…..

Jason Statham

that’s just the title because i don’t have one, and i was thinking of him.

the snow has stopped. eric worked 12 & 1/2 hrs today, (yesterday – whatever, it’s 1am), crazy overtime the day before, too. adam pops up and runs to the window when headlights appear on nights daddy isn’t home on time.

my brain is working. i took a hop skip and jump ahead and started brain-writing from there. what was it my horoscope said? avoid your escape reflex. i think i just effectively ignored that, leapt my snags and rewrites, and started thinking out scenes that are only single lines in my notebook outline.

i don’t know how to work the photo software on this mac, all my pictures are piling up and it’s making me insane. my son has new hair. the puppies are growing up. the SNOW. all i have to use is from my phone:

i didn’t originally intend to do that, but i know little enough about this stupid computer as to be having trouble with the phone photos, too, so fuck it. this is the only photo i can access, saved on my desktop for screensaver purposes. it balances the post title anyway.

snow, etc.

the snow is having a strange effect on my conscious and subconscious. i think it’s shutting me down – i don’t feel sad, or tired, or frustrated…. just … nothing. the deeper the snow the more disconnected i feel. all the rapidly spinning and creaking wheels and gears are sloooowing down, groaning – not stopping, mind you, just slowing down to minimum function.

i’m only technically conscious.

no writing. in the past couple days, no editing or reconstructing, either. mainly just staring. i can feel ideas stirring, beginning to wake up, trying to move around in the sludge, but my subconscious gives a big yawn and i feel that under-the-skin twitchiness that means things i don’t know about are cooking, i can feel it become still. winding down. like the key needs turned.

that knot on the back of my head from the bolt on the underside of the swing – that’s where the key goes. someone needs to shove something in there and give it a good crank, and soon. late at night, i can open an in-progress chapter, or a document i want to do notes on, and stare at the screen for an hour (yes, an hour) with my fingers over the keyboard. not reading. not contemplating, not daydreaming. not watching tv. just being unplugged.

january is a suck-ass month. the thing is, i love snow. i love to watch it snow. but it has a sedative effect on my brain, my creativity, my ability to form thoughts and ideas….

i opened the ‘new post’ page four times this morning before typing anything. just sat here, fingers over the keyboard. staring out the window at the swirling falling snow. occasionally sipping coffee. adam is next to me with a notebook and coloring book, a box of crayons and a bucket full of markers and colored pencils. deep in thought.

if i could crawl in bed and open the curtains, lie for hours watching the snow fall, thinking nothing, lost in limbo, stuck in the place between thoughts, i would.

not unhappy. not anything.

this is winter.

2am, no tylenol pm, no benadryl…

,,, and so i’m awake. feedback given on 2 pieces, photo funya explored, Deadly Women watched, mild facebook stalking complete and unsatisfactory, dogs with full bellies (ALL ELEVEN), menfolk asleep, fire humming (i know crackling would sound better, but it’s just NOT, it’s humming), ceiling stared at, head cocked, tomorrow planned for, today evaluated and found satisfactory (and more than satisfactory), domesticity planned including heels, snow falling – or drifting, or floating, slowly. slowly, slowly….

low lights and the sounds of the keys. typing to hear them, too braindead to put my fingers to good use. listening to the fire and my fingers, and the drone of a documentary voiceover.

can. i. feel. my. heartbeat. as a sensation or as a sound? sensation. i never hear it. it rattles, coughs, bounces off my ribs and laughs, large and sloppy wet. the color of meat in fridge light at midnight, in the last hours before it goes bad.

but it’s been this color since….

well, at least it’s fat, and it works. my eyes are swollen – they might be getting rounder, my contacts slide around on them a lot lately.

bridget is drumming her fingertips (no nails, they’re bitten down) on a greyish formica table in the rec room, chin on her opposite palm, waiting for me to get my shit together so she and charlotte can get on with their dastardly plans – charlotte now fancies them villians, with arched backs and arched eyebrows, black capes and snickers and mischief. bridget now knows they are children, doing things movie-style because sometimes there is simply no other way to do them….

my soft kitty entry video wouldn’t load, that sucks, the timeslot is closed. i didn’t even know what the prize was, but i wanted to enter.

that’s all, i think. for now. glad when i wake up it will be friday.

wait, there are real things!

tomorrow is adam’s big Haircut Day. he goes in a baby, comes out a man. i’ll take too many pictures. he won’t be scared, he’s too excited. I’M excited.

the puppies are 4 weeks old this morning. they eat mush from a cracked devilled eggs platter and bark and growl and wink and blink. adam has selected a large and fluffy one, not the largest but easily the most mellow – and dubbed him R2D2. now when there are puppy riots and escapes, he heads directly for the door and into the house. he wants snuggled and scratched, and to sprawl on the lap of my son, to make eye contact and sniff, to learn about their relationship. my son wants them to play all the time. he is tender and careful and comfortable – they make a good match. i like them together. every boy needs a dog.

that is all. and here are the corresponding photos:

 

Snow & Santa & Flying (photos)

Christmas Trees, Party, Puppies (photos)

puppies and christmas trees and other wholesome shit. and starfish.

christmas tree up. puppies born, all 10 of them. well, originally 11……

 i have numerous pictures of these things, which i will post at a later time, most  likely tonight or tomorrow.

i just want to sleep. amphibian in me. my bloodstream is filling with glucose, and soon i will freeze in suspended animation until… until…? huh. christmas eve? spring? maybe just tomorrow.

adam thinks china and vagina are the same word, so that’s making for some interesting conversation.

my greatest wish is for 48 hours alone, to sulk, read, sleep on and off, write, watch House of 1,000 Corpses in 10 minute spurts alternating with Memento and Titus, and the entire time i would have perfect assurance through telepathy that my husband and son were happy and healthy and having a fabulous time in Disneyland or something.

okay so that’s not my GREATEST wish, but it would be nice. it’s 2nd on the list. one girl knows what first on the list would be, but it’s a selfish and impossible wish.

dreamed the two of us went to the beach again, and there was snow everywhere – snow even on the beach, but the water that washed up was warm, melting the snow on the sand as it touched it. the air was freezing and the key was to undress and get into the warm seawater as quickly as possible. starfish were washing up in the surf and we were tossing them back in fast as we could so they wouldn’t freeze. there were frozen starfush, dusted in snow, scattered on the beach. the worst was when you stepped on one and felt it break and mash into the sand under your foot. so we stood, wrapped in towels after the swim, our breath visible, chucking starfish back into the water as fast and far as we could. it felt like a noble and pointless endeavor. like we were doing our best at accomplishing absolutely nothing, but unable to give up hope. we swam to warm up, then wrapped up and walked the beach for starfish, over and over. we were still throwing starfish in the blowing snow, in our bathing suits with blue feet, when i woke.

(photo from Smithsonian blog)

Christmas Parade

saturday, december 4th