Video: Amanda Gowin at Sylvester Memorial Library

the video!!! took forever to get this mess uploaded. i realize it’s an hour long, but at least stick around long enough for the church fire anecdote… plus i read a story. mainly i ramble. but i think it turned out pretty well! 


i like girls

Poison Ivy & Harley Quinn

headcold household, day 3, last day. over the course of sunday and yesterday, eric and adam have managed to watch almost all 3 original star wars movies – they have 45 minutes of Return of the Jedi left, which i suspect they will finish tonight. adam’s favorite is R2D2, which he pronounces slighly different each time. he gets a consistent 3 out of 4 of the letter/number combo right. he also says yoda is a cat, a GIRL cat, and calls him toyoda (like “toyota,”  hot wheels enthusiast that he is) half the time. it’s been a pretty good sick household. characterized mainly by exhaustion and mouth-breathing as opposed to crankiness and coughing – i’ll take the former combination any day.

but we’re getting better. if eric could curl up on the couch with us it would almost be a pleasant sickness, it’s just bone-cold rain and grey skies outside the last few days anyway. being sick while the sun shines is a waste. being sick while it rains cold november – i’m gonna pull myslef quickly away from a guns n roses reference and move along – anyway, sick in this weather is just good time management. get the change of seasons colds out of the way before the sun comes back.

plus, cold pills make me sleep like the dead, so i’ve not been fighting the insomnia. i sleep through the night and hear nothing – unless adam speaks. it’s a weird characteristic of motherhood – eric can rattle around in the room, fight the dogs on the porch, i don’t hear a thing – but if the kid sits up across the hall and peeps “mommy?”  i’m immediately conscious. only children’s voices would call people back through a ouija board, i think. only your child’s voice could pull you back from the dead places. morbid maybe in what is essentially a christmas shopping post, but true. you can only wake your parents from the dead….

SO. point was, i started wandering around on etsy looking for xmas presents of the affordable and original variety while the boys bonded over “light savers,” and while shopping for a nameless lady friend in the owl watch section i ended up in the batman section and remembered either falsely or by actual memory her fondness for Poison Ivy, and from there of course wandered into the bizarre relationship with Harley Quinn, whom i only knew a few details about – since last night i have submerged myself in a cold pill haze of comic book pages, cartoon clips and fan art based around Ivy & Harley, and may have stumbled into an entirely new framework to show love, and caricature our relationship in a fun and gorgeous way…. that is, IF her love of Poison Ivy is not false memory…. 

all i’ve actually ordered so far is 2 sets of aqua globes for the females-in-law. kiddo is eating appleasauce and mouth-breathing watching ppg while i drink coffee and watch batman cartoons on youtube…. and you know what?? poison ivy was based on bettie page. whoda thought?


Me: so i think we should go all fight club and make some soap. i’ve been on and it looks pretty easy, and i promise not to give you a chemical burn.

angela: Well. Okay.

 Me: as far as i can tell we have all the equipment, except a “stick mixer” which i translate to mean “stir really fast”  

angela: Very. Hmm. Surely we got something like that.

 Me: it seems unnecessary to buy such a specialized piece of equipment for that – and i KNOW they didn’t have one in fight club!

angela: Would it melt the spoon?  Definitely not. Maybe we can use a blender.

Me: they say you can just mix it in a big bowl, or one of those big metal pots with the lids. i think if we put it in the blender we would ruin the blender and lose at least one of our combined 4 eyes.

angela: Hmm. Good point. I forget to put the lid on about half the time. 

Me: no wait, goggles are on the list – so i guess just the blender would be in danger

angela: And the house

Me: well yes – and skin. lye is involved.

angela: Ah. My — is the —-. He has those big orange suits.

Me: YES!!! then we could video it, and the soapmaking process could be the way to advertise our soap business.

angela: I’d feel safe and very clean knowing my soap required hazmat suits during production.

Me: where the fuck do you get beef tallow?? i mean yeah it says beef tallow OR lard OR palm oil, i’m just wondering where one would acquire beef tallow

angela: Hmm. The amish?

Me: well, at the least the hazmat suits would be a guarantee we didn’t sneeze in it accidentally, or cough or whatever. very clean soap.  i have to look up what beef tallow is 

angela: You know I’m not touching beef tallow. Fat!

Me: i looked it up. fuck that. i SAW it, angela – you can buy it.

angela: Nooooo. I can’t buy it.

Me: well, tallow is a very fancy word – if it was fat in cute little cubes that looked like fudge it would make it usable, but it just looks like disgusting fucking fat, so fuck that.

angela: Hmm. Maybe foil wrapped like buillion cubes. 

Me: no tallow. not very fight club, but i’m not handling that tallow shit.

angela: Fuck that is correct. The lipo dumpster scene makes me sick. Really sick.

Me: also that makes it an animal-free soap, that’s an extra selling point. “there are no cows in this soap.” right on the label 

angela: That always gets me. “Cruelty free” bullshit.

Me: there you go. if we’re the only ones injured in the process, it’s very marketable. if i had known it was this easy to make soap, i could’ve saved us all thousands and thousands of dollars.

 angela: I’m pretty sure I’ll burn myself. I spill things. 

Me: you can just hand me mixtures. i’ll stir.

angela: Really really fast. Hmmm. This is so easy. Why haven’t we done this before?

Me: so easy. we’re making soap. so many people make candles, fuck that. we’ll make cow-free soap.

angela: It seems perfect. And easy.

Me: i was thinking our logo could be a cow with a circle around it and a line thorugh it, like no cows, but that seems anti-cow.

angela: That does. Hmm. Fat free should be on the label somewhere.

Me: what a goddamned racket. all we have to is make it pretty and smelly and we can make a killing. they show them cutting the bars off a big log of soap with a kitchen knife.

angela: We’re good at making things pretty 

Me: yep. and we can stir, and have access to hazmat suits, so we can do this.

angela: Hells yes. And you’re very persuasive.

Me: well, we need oils, lye, water and a fucking shoebox, and we have a business. it’s crazy NOT to do this!!  oh wait, also a spoon!!

angela: I’m embarassed we didn’t do it sooner

Me: but i have several spoons, so we’re cool. me too. i really don’t understand why fight club didn’t spur us to make soap. well, except for the implication that we needed human waste. 

angela: Still. Seems like we would have at least researched

 Me: so now we just need ingredients and a free day.

angela: Is this all like a kit? Or do we have to go find ingredients?

Me: we go get it. they have pussy ass kits where we just buy pre-made synthetic soap, melt it, toss in smell good then pour it in the molds, but we’re not pussies. this is about fight club, remember?  fight club and ribbons and mint.

angela: I think maybe that’s our business name. “I like pussy and fight club”. 

Me: THAT is what goes on the label!!!  with a picture of a cow with a line through it.  the confusion can only add to the cutting edge appearance of all of it.

angela: Yes. This is going to make us a million dollars. Actually, if we went to the lions den and just wrote pussy on the label, we could easily sell it. We have to be focused. I can’t let you convince me that we should shape the soap like penises. And don’t let me tell you everyone loves patchouli. Its not true

Me: See, it will take both of us to keep this from being a fiasco. Or ALL my soaps would be shaped like penises and all yours would smell like hippies.

angela: I did assume you were gonna try to tell me penis shaped was ergonomical and marketable.

an old favorite, from my trunk o’ girls

i miss this girl. i truly hope she is not in a freezer in pensacola. and if she has been sold into slavery, those dance moves are being sorely wasted…

the week in pictures, like reuters but with more feet…