no matter how much of a bitch i become during the holidays, or how much i feel like imploding or running in circles, by dark at New Year’s Eve i feel like this:

i wish for you to become positively infected with hope – so that it itches under your skin like hatching spider eggs, forcing you to run into the sunlight and do so much wonderful shit that you can’t help but love the baby hope spiders and blow them on their gauzy threads to the four corners of the world to burrow into the skins of the ones you love….



..have laid eggs in my neck just under my chin, and they hatched and have made their way into my throat, there’s really no other explanation for the way i feel. if i sneeze they’ll fly everywhere, floating on romantic gossamer threads, or if i open my mouth too wide they’ll run out, bridging the gap betwen my tongue and stomach with one little hop before scattering – or perhaps turning around very abruptly and rushing right back i, under my fingernails, into my ears…..

give me cold pills and a sitter. i need to lie down and focus on tilting my head back so there’s room to breathe through the knot of spiders in my esophagus.

in something completely different, i think i get to do something really cool and subversive, providing i don’t fuck it up by continuing to miss phone calls. i BELIEVE i have the wolf role in a Red Riding Hood shoot with Tim Kruskamp AKA Silent Shudder Photography – and either way, look at some of this shit, it’s incredible. here’s some free advertising for ya, to all 2 of the poeple who look at this blog:



 photo by Tim Kruskamp

   Silent Shudder Photography

  pictured: Serina Ruggeri