Day 3

2nd shift is a bitch to get used to. harder than i thought. the mornings are great, but adam is adjusting to daylight savings time and resenting the hell out of me for being not-daddy at bedtime, so it’s rough. strange and rough. i don’t have any sort of pattern yet. it feels like saturday morning then eric LEAVES.

no writing to speak of, but that will come. i’m cooking two things – one is for heather and the other is a more appropriate continuation for chapter4, bridget’s backstory is falling around her in bits and pieces and snatches of overheard conversation – i’m nearing a split that is not going to be nearly as complicated as i was trying to make it. forget the fancy tricks, i’m just going to tell the story and move things around if i feel like it once it’s out.

kiddo is singing lady gaga to ponyo. it’s 10:30. gah.

i nap with him, i’m spoiled siesta-wise. 

i dreamed i had sex with justin timberlake and got pregnant, and all of this was happening in sort of a 50’s-era surf movie, and he was very “i want a baby, i’ve been ready” (who knew??) and i was standing on a beach in a pink two-piece and had a really fabulous ponytail. i was 3 equal parts divided: “oh no! social mores, out of wedlock,  just one time and i’m pregnant, what a 50s PSA i am!”  and one third “i am fucked. is eric going to kill me, or is he going to be very joseph to my mary with this whole having justin timberlake’s baby thing?” and one third “what a bullseye. what a good-looking kid this will be. one night stand to lifetime of involvement, this won’t be bad.” i think i’m kind of a bad person in my dreams. anyway, i woke up during the sunset beach conversation feeling very weird about the whole thing as my 3 yr old was still asleep next to me…

the trees are budding, the birds are back, the grass is greening.

lonely.

love song for my (not that) faraway love:

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kids always live in Inception…

this entry will be lame and boring and possibly unreadable as it is motivated by whiny loneliness.

well, it’s snowing again. adam is happy on the floor, he has spread out 3 coloring books, crayons and markers, a racetrack and cars – he colors and hums for a couple minutes, then puts down the marker and drives a car around the track.  it’s only a matter of minutes before the worlds cross over, one of the coloring books is open to a maze page…

second cup of coffee is doing nothing. it’s 10:30am but might as well be 7:35 as far as my waking-up process is concerned (7:35 was 5 minutes after i woke).

ONE hour later. adam and i have eaten half a package of turkey bacon, discussed fire-eating, other normal things. his worlds are overlapping. there is an alligator on the freeway ramp. dinosaur in the animal fortress office, using the computer. gorilla in the firetruck.

we may both be getting sick. we alternate sneezing fits, and he’s getting blue under the eyes. he wants to sit on my lap. that’s sort of abnormal. i will go, so he can.

10pm. eric came home on time and we played all evening. also i’m staying a gemini.