Ketch & Yoko

chalk up another to my “almost get to have sex with someone (semi)famous” dream affliction.

dreamed amy and i were in athens to see old crow, super-exclusive tickets to a very small venue where they were filming a concert video for release – we ran into mitch and told him we’d sneak him in with us, we were front row and figured we’d just go right up front and if there was an extra seat next to us he could just confidently sit in it and it woud be no problem – this turned out to be exactly how it worked out.

the place was super small, with those old-fashioned chipped wood fold-down seats of an old theater at a super steep angle, i’d guess 100-max capacity.

in the course of settling ourselves i spotted the side door to the left of the stage and managed to weasel my way confidently back there (as is my way) after explaining where i was going to amy & mitch. there were only a couple people in the “backstage” area, it was more like a plain waiting room type area with generic dark green upholstered chairs and a long table with snacks and a coffee pot on it, i struck up a conversation with ketch (main objective from the beginning of course, go right for the money – money not meaning money of course money meaning dick – shameless me) and i remember he laughed and was nice and flirty and we talked and he remembered meeting me from  long ago (i’m so damned MEMORABLE and effortlessly charming in my dreams, these people are powerless to resist me), notably a real life concert in athens at the blue gator in  2006 when i honestly had managed to weasel my way  backstage through sheer honest politeness and hang out with the band for the half hour before they went on – to namedrop even more, the kid that goes by the name Woody Pines now and just introduced himself as Woody then was also there and he ended up guesting with them onstage playing washboard and harmonica, but that’s enough real-life BACK TO THE DREAM – anyway, ketch remembered me, we were talking, there was arm-touching of that hubba hubba flirty way, but what got me and made me think he LIKED me and the conversationing was that he took the styrofoam cup of coffee from my hand and poured it into a mug, things like that strike me as kind as opposed to just get-in-your-pants, and the mug was red and ended up on the table, i missed my coffee later, but i digress…

it was closer to concert time and more people were occupying the backstage area and suddenly a dumpy blonde yelled at me from across the room to stop hitting on her husband – i’m not going to play dream-ignorant and say i was unaware in my subconscious of the existence of lydia peelle, but my dream was UNKIND to her appearance, her arms were not in fact her low point – and everyone around got this embarassed sort of vibe and kept conversing though it was at a lower decibel, and i was incredibly brave and turned and asked what she wanted or something equally neutral and she said she was the WIFE and the mother of his CHILD and she wanted me OUT there was going to be a concert and they were trying to get ready and suddenly everyone was on edge and i told her that she wasn’t a member of the band and if i was to leave then her husband should tell me so and i would gladly return to my seat, and i whispered sort of out of the side of my mouth to him to aske me nicely to leave, because i remember feeling it was very important that i not back down to her, it was bizarre. so he sort of apologized quietly and she started to yell and he said “maybe you should go, we’re getting ready to start” and she was yelling and someone was escorting her out, too.

got back to my seat (sans coffee) and amy and mitch asked me what the hell was going on and i said i’d been hitting on ketch and his wife came in and started yelling (i remember laughing while relating this, and mitch was very lowdown in his seat expressing extreme guilt on his face for his stolen seat, he even had a toboggon low on his head, but amy was laughing with her hands over her mouth)  and as the band was coming onto stage some people came and asked us to leave, and we were a bit confused but the lights were going down and the audience was clapping and i knew they were filming so we went, and in the lobby the manager was there and the wife, and everyone seemed to want to know the deal and the wife (dumpy redneck subconscious-loathing version of lydia peelle) started yelling at me again telling me to leave, she was responsible for us being escorted out.

the manager lost it and started yelling at her about always starting this shit and blah blah and to shut up about the father of her child, everyone knew the baby wasn’t his etc etc, there was a very jerry springer-like scene in the lobby and it became clear this whole thing was the LAST THING the manager was going to take, this fight had been long-brewing and i was morbidly satisfied i had been the catalyst.

i also realized during the fighting that the concert was NOT still going and the doors to the mini-auditorium were open and the rest of the audience was hearing everything, and the band was off the stage, and the manager was apologizing to us and telling us to go back to our seats and as we went in the wife yelled “if she’s going to be here this concert is not happening!” and the manager yelled back “you’re not in the band, so what you think doesn’t matter!” and the doors were slamming and there was confusion and i was talking to ketch again at the foot of the stage, he was apologizing and asking me to not leave after, not leave, explain, talk, blah blah, and the concert organizers were apologizing onstage to the audience, explaining that they were going to start over from the entrance because of the filming, and the lights went down and the band went backstage, and it was all starting over….

and here’s the kicker – the 3 of us were incredibly happy with the way things were turning out, until halfway through the show when the venue people came in and kicked all three of us out for stealing a VIP seat!!! priceless and hilarious, right? amy and i were laughing and mitch was NOT as they physically walked us out through the dark theater and i was wondering how on earth i was going to get back in after the concert….

that’s all i’ve got. we were bundling up in our winter gear in the lobby surrounded by security and laughing when i woke up.