Video: Amanda Gowin at Sylvester Memorial Library

the video!!! took forever to get this mess uploaded. i realize it’s an hour long, but at least stick around long enough for the church fire anecdote… plus i read a story. mainly i ramble. but i think it turned out pretty well! 

black market babies

blanche:  it’s a little bizarre that one with a fondness for pachouli was able to solve my spoiled little girl gift issue in under 2 minutes.

dorothy: i’m a good problem solver. and an even better shopper. and i’ve spent the vast majority of my life wanting a daughter.

blanche: i browsed a little.
i want a daughter too. those little bathing suits with the ruffly bottoms make my heart ache.

dorothy: i know. actually, the bathing suits, underwear, tights…anything with a ruffly bottom. and those little dresses always make me want to cry.

blanche: i love little girls. but you have to remember, they’re like puppies and kittens – little girls grow up into something horrifying, 9 times out 0f 10.

dorothy: i know. that’s my attitude towards babies in general. they turn into children. then they turn into adults, and that’s almost never good.

 blanche: but we should still adopt foreign girl babies simultaneously and force them to hang out.

dorothy: i’m fearful you’d be more successful in acquiring a girl baby.

blanche: nope. i have medical history, my file is thick as me. i think you’d do better,what with your penchant for steady jobs and making payments on things. my past is a wreck. yours looks impeccable on paper!!

dorothy: yes, but you’re married. and i have a ten month marriage on record. i smoke and my cat ran away.

blanche: i’m crazy on paper and my husband has a “hazardous” job.

dorothy: i’m crazy on paper too. you have prior experience.

blanche: shit. we may just have to go black market.

dorothy: i think we both knew it would one day come to this. you and me. buying black market asian babies. it was bound to happen.

blanche: well shit, neither of us are going to traverse the baby black market alone. and i’m pretty sure we’ll also go shopping together for improbably large sunglasses to wear when we go pick out our babies.

dorothy: yes. and a very big purse. to carry the baby in.

 blanche: almost a tote or carry-on.

dorothy: yes. it could be used as a tote, and most people would, but i’ll be confident enough to pass it off as a purse. just remind me to not be yelling all the time about how i can’t find my lighter in this damn thing. that would completely blow my cover.

 blanche: yeah, because then you would upset the baby, and your relationship would be off to a bad start. unless the baby handed you a lighter….

dorothy: That would steal my heart

blanche: i think my baby will have a very old-timey name – a name that fits no one. cecilia. opal. june.

dorothy: oh, for sure. i like cecelia. i think i’ll go with clara. charlotte. celeste. ruby.

blanche: if they were opal and ruby, they would be DESTINED to be best friends, based on their shared hatred for us for those names.

dorothy: they’d have to be. with a bond like that, and the fact that we’d force them to be friends, there’s no way they couldn’t be.
the other option would be may and june.

blanche: that’s TOO far!! it could wedge them apart. they could blame each other’s existence on their month names. i vote opal and ruby. so when are we going to new york, again? that’s where they keep the black market babies, right??

dorothy: god. to find a good black market baby, i’d have to find j—. she was always talking about black market babies. mainly she was interested in selling them, so that may be as far as we need to go.
i like opal. opal —-. that’s a good name. ruby —- is not so great, but —- doesn’t really go well with anything.

blanche: ooooh, ruby —- is actually quite good. they’re BOTH quite good.
now we just need to rustle up some cash and find j– or whatever name she runs her underground operation as….

dorothy: i have no idea what ever happened to j—. i know she went to college in d— …and i have no idea what happened to her after that.
i’ll start saving immediately

blanche: i’ll start saving immediately also.
well, shit. there goes my vagina.

dorothy: what!?! where goes your vagina?


 dorothy: fuck. there goes my vagina.

 blanche: exactly. you know, paradoxically, the only other way we could raise money to buy babies is to rent our body space as surrogates. ain’t that a bitch???