Hi, Menacing Hedge

so, Kelly Boyker and Craig Wallwork are having me over to play…. hi, anyone from MH who clicked over to see what qualifications i might possibly have to sift through your work for the Spring Issue.

proper capitalization is obviously not one of them. BUT! i’m confident i can persuade you to send me your loveliest, most beautiful things to read, and i will handle and read them delicately, like scrolls of parchment. i shall light candles about the room in the dead of night and shuffle to my old table with arms full. i’ll unroll them carefully one by one, and believe you me i shall mouth the words while following every single line with the tip of my index finger.

 

Qualifications:

1. In the 2nd grade i did very well in 5th grade reading comprehension, so i have a lot of experience grasping a story. this wasn’t through any sort of school program, there was just a really big 5th grade girl that rode my bus and ‘persuaded’ my friend and i to do her reading homework every day on the way home from school.

2. i read ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ and ‘Gone With the Wind’ when i was ten years old. this just illustrates that i read feverishly and compulsively. i wasn’t supposed to read those books, so i hid them and devoured them in delicious secret moments.

3. my first novel was completed at age fifteen – it was shit and i’ll never show it to anyone even though i worked on it for a year. i know how much time it takes to do this! i know you work really hard on whatever you send, and you worked really hard for years before that to get to a place that you wrote things you felt were worthwhile to show the world.

4. i was almost thirty before i ever showed even one written word of my own to anyone in the outside world. it takes serious balls to cut out a little piece of yourself and send it to strangers, only to have them tell you objectively what a part of your insides is worth. this act of courage will never be taken for granted.

5.  i don’t give a shit about your bio. seriously don’t. won’t read it until after the story. if you have seven published novels, an MFA and teach a creative writing class, i won’t know you weren’t a seventeen year old who scribbled her story out in biology class instead of taking notes. because everyone makes magic sometimes, and i don’t need to know where you’ve been to feel it.

6. Craig and Kelly trust me. and i don’t take it lightly. i’ll do my very best, and i’m very excited.

SO SEND ME SOMETHING!

 

here is a photo of me just after my head transplant, so you can be assured i’m using the very best brains available:

headtransplant

http://menacinghedge.com/

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Kelly Boyker
    Jan 03, 2013 @ 11:23:51

    Glad the head transplant took so well. I am really excited to work with you on the Spring issue!

    Reply

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