the new religion – plus clint eastwood and a lil’ about a boat

DOROTHY: Okay. There was a mandatory inservice. They said to bring my lunch, which I did. Then as soon as we got there, he made us get up and make an imaginary boat out Of tables. Then we had to sit in the boat and row the boat. I refused. He said the boat won’t move if we don’t all row. Well. I don’t think it was ever gonna Move. Then he tried to make me sing row your boat. I did not. Still, the boat didn’t move. Then he said to break into groups of strangers and write song about Customer service. Suggested we use a lady gaga tune. I left. I won’t disrespect lady gaga. She’s does too much for the community.
BLANCHE: That may be the best job ending story I’ve ever heard.
DOROTHY: You see why I’m not upset? Too absurd.
BLANCHE: well, it made my evening infinitely better. so thank you for that.
DOROTHY: Any time. It was appalling
….
DOROTHY: We poor appalachians. We aren’t entitled to anything.
BLANCHE: i know. we’re supposed to scrape by, tis our way.
DOROTHY: And keep all our assets in a mason jar
BLANCHE: Yep. And be quietly disdainful of those who live off the government.
DOROTHY: I made my disdainful face. Not to be confused with my unreasonable suspicion of up to no goodedness face
 BLANCHE: There’s a subtle difference in mouth-corner position that makes those two faces completely different.
DOROTHY: Little bit in the corner of of the mouth. Definitely.
BLANCHE: The appalachian facial gesture language is subtle and multi-faceted. Surely clint eastwood studied it for years.
DOROTHY: I just built a house for the litter box. That’s right. I did it. By myself.
BLANCHE: you are like jesus
DOROTHY: Yes. A capricorn and a carpenter.
BLANCHE: and you love sandals.
DOROTHY: Well yes. And organic food.
BLANCHE: and comfortable,natural fabrics. and women.
DOROTHY: And talkin all flowery like. Damn. I am just like jesus.
BLANCHE: sometimes it takes us awhile to catch on to stuff like this. you should probably try to have more flowy hair
DOROTHY: I’ll try! Maybe wear more robe like dresses.
BLANCHE: like sleep with it braided
DOROTHY: I see. Wavier. I can do that.
BLANCHE: i bet you COULD make that boat go…….
DOROTHY: Boat? I don’t even need a fucking boat.
BLANCHE: HA!  you already have this incredible cache of subtle facial expressions. why are we not starting a new religion?
DOROTHY: I’m gonna be telling someones grandkids thr story of how I got fired. and why is this the first time youve asked me that question?
BLANCHE: i get busy, i forget. i totally wanna be judas, okay? i’m going to look brooding – LOTS.
DOROTHY: Of course . You know the only thing I know about the bible I learned from jesus christ superstar right?
BLANCHE: yeah, that’s everything. lots of singing hippies and political strife. got it.
DOROTHY: And a whore!
BLANCHE: YES!!! let’s get a real one so as to be authentic. more money that way. but we should get motorcycles like in the lady gaga video.
DOROTHY: Fuck the bake sales!
BLANCHE: fuck the soap!!
DOROTHY: Yes!
BLANCHE: the only difficulty is finding some mihrr. especially since i can’t spell it. you keep your fucking pachouli outta this.
DOROTHY: OOoh. I think you can get marzipan candy? I’ll check the hippie food store
BLANCHE: well, you’re going to have to look peaceful. i’ll try to brood more as practice. then we’ll hit athens and find some suitable religious hippy clothes – where to get the whore?
DOROTHY: That can’t be hard to find
BLANCHE: yeah but we need a really good one. columbus, easy
DOROTHY: We’re only getting one, so she has to be good
BLANCHE: i told you it would be hard! let’s just look while we’re in athens. i don’t want no fuckin drama whore. i want one of those Ween-type Weed Whores
DOROTHY: Perfect. Very hippified whore.
BLANCHE: i’m just gonna throw this out there, but think we should MAAAAYBE change the ending. like just sell beaded necklaces and whatnot in new mexico on a compound as opposed to you getting crucified.
DOROTHY: Oh. I fully support this idea.
BLANCHE: this is gonna be a lot easier than soap. mean, i already have beads. you can bless the hell out of them.
DOROTHY: Perfect. And we don’t have to worry about the lye.
BLANCHE: goddamned lye. you know, though, i still kind of want to make soap.
DOROTHY: Well, I always think crafts are a good idea. I’d like to tie dye professionally
BLANCHE: as the messiah, i think this would be pretty much perfect. i’ll bead, you tie dye. we smoke pot and sell our wares. but ‘m tellin you, you bring pachouli into it and we’ll have some real sing-offs, just like the real thing.
DOROTHY: This sounds like a flawless plan
BLANCHE: well, they all pretty much are – we just seem t have an issue with follow-through. like, we still don’t have black market babies or homemade soap.
DOROTHY: I think we can go ahead and combine all three plans
BLANCHE: word.
BLANCHE: of GOD.
DOROTHY: Precisely
BLANCHE: OOOH!!! OOOOH!!! we have to make special tie dyes – whoever the whore is can wear the first one so as to establish it in fashion “I’M NOT GOD BUT MY GIRLFRIEND IS”
DOROTHY: Oh. My. Soul. That’s perfect.
BLANCHE: i think we might actually be getting some divine intervention here.
DOROTHY: Divine inspiration at the very least
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