it’s just after 9pm on the next to last day of the year – the boys have banded together and claimed the big bed – i’ll sleep like the dead alone in adam’s twin, flat on my back surrounded by jack skellington, rabbits and foxes.

today the sun was out. for five minutes in the car, between errands with the sun hitting me in the face between buildings and singing hayes carll at the top of my lungs, i blanked and forgot who i was and where i was going. i haven’t gotten really lost in a moment for awhile, the temporary panic at the disorientation before i got back on track to cvs was completely worth it. i rediscovered i can forget myslef, and considering i’m trying to wedge a functional door open between myself and an imaginary world, it’s more reassuring than anything else.

i always think of the Subtle Knife. that’s the type of exact navigation i’m aiming for.

i have a lot to do and the need for some compartmentalization skills. i need to let go, let go, let go…. like right now. everyone is tucked into bed, and instead of opening a blank document and falling headlong into it, i have an open notebook of scribbles, and outline, thought of restructutres the television on, one ear tuned to adam and the other to the dogs on the porch, facebook running in another tab, guilt-part of my brain….

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