this september/october changeover is pulling on my ankles. dirty dishes looking at me. rain and fog. i put my contacts in, finally – glasses work as a sort of buffer the same way boys hide under their caps. i remember once (maybe ten years ago) going out in glasses and a cap and felt safe from the whole world. between the bill and the lenses (and various personality supplements) i could’ve swung my car into a tree without fear.
better to say i’ve been re-charging my batteries the last couple days. i think adam does the same thing, but i’m not sure if he’s just tuned to my patterns or we have similiar brains. the similiar brains theory would be more believable if he held his pen in his left hand and not his right, but i don’t hold that against him. when scribbling on lined paper with an ink pen or pencil he makes tight, tiny scribbles and says he’s “working.” when scribbling on unlined paper with crayons or markers, he makes looping, wide strokes and says “drawing.” this distinction makes me almost explode with happiness. he’s eating cherry tomatos and singing the alphabet song, pushing a mini garbage truck. today was trash day and we missed seeing the truck – it’s kind of a big deal, but he hasn’t realized it so i’m not bringing it up.
i’m STARTING all these things, i just haven’t gotten very far with them. i registered as a seller on ebay and made a pile of sweaters. got out boxes of beads and thought about etsy. told a– we should go to AA, just to get a nice solid reminder that other people know there’s an easier way but are also not taking it – but i was sort of joking, and don’t really know where those types of things are around here. obviously, i mean they’re anonymous.
the air smells delicious – i open the door and feel myself almost toss adam in the car and go to the post office, almost photograph all those clothes to list, almost be done with the dishes. almost, almost.
the sun came out about a half hour ago, that might make all the difference. the fog is finally burning off. i put my contacts in. what was it? ”found my goggles under my bed, wiped the dickinson off on my grey shirtfront – not cracked, just dusty…” and so on and so forth.
what a difference the sun has made, just since i started this post. what a difference the fifteen minute break in the middle to sing Dream a Little Dream with adam and try to explain a sycamore tree has made. the chainsaw has been going for DAYS next door – when i began typing i would have described the sound with the word “drone,” now i’m leaning toward “hum.”
in two weeks i will be married 4 years. yesterday at 5am while getting ready for work, eric realized i was out of coffee and went to the store while i slept. i want to make a bubble for him and punch people in the face if they try to burst it, or even make his eyebrows knit. i want to see a smooth eyebrow on that man. i know what would go a long way to help, but that’s not the sort of thing to get into on a public blog even if heather and angela are the only ones who look at it.
maybe tonight i will print out that story and salvage the metal. maybe when i’m done with this i will post clothes on ebay. maybe i will just play on the floor with the kid. anyway, i think i may be done staring at the wall for the week….